im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
