Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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