why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
