I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
