Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
