Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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