I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Randomize
