So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i came on her dog
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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