I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
