I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
