Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
