Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
BRING THE BAGELS
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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