swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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