I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
