he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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