i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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