I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
where are my eyebrows?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
