I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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