Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
