the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
