mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize