Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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