Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Come share oat with me in your robe
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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