Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
