someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
