speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
