they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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