mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
