she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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