Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
