dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
