this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize