My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
