We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
