Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
