please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
