apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
