remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
