Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
