no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
