the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
