so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
