only if we run a train.
done.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
