sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
