we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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