Your tits are I can't wait for
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Randomize
