He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize