I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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