drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
