Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
