Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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