Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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