You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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