I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I checked into jail on foursquare
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
