Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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