I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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