I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
