Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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