dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize