Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
