lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
