Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
