I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
