My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
