you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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