Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
