my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
