i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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