if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
