only if we run a train.
done.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
