I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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