dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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