She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
