I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
