i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
