I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
