I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I believe in your delicious
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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