I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
