Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize